The Phenomenon of Gray Divorce and Empty Nest in Indonesia: Responses and Solutions
By Sujaya, S.Pd. Gr. (Advisory Board Member of DPP ASWIN)
A. The Phenomenon of Gray Divorce and Empty Nest in Indonesia
In recent years, the phenomenon of gray divorce (divorce among elderly couples) and empty nest (a condition where children have left home and parents feel empty and without purpose) has gained attention in Indonesia. These two phenomena have significant social, psychological, and economic impacts, especially in the context of Indonesian culture, which still prioritizes family values.
1. The Phenomenon of Gray Divorce
Definition and Trends in Indonesia
Gray divorce refers to divorce that occurs among elderly couples, usually over 50 years old. Several notable cases of gray divorce include Addie MS (musician) and Memes after 30 years of marriage, Ahmad Dhani and Maia Estianty due to infidelity after 12 years of marriage, and others. Globally, cases of gray divorce include Bill Gates (Microsoft CEO) and Melinda Gates after 27 years of marriage, Elon Musk (SpaceX founder) and Talulah Riley after 45 years of marriage, and Donald Trump and Ivana Trump after 18 years of marriage.
Factors contributing to the increase in gray divorce include:
1. Changes in Social Dynamics
Women are becoming more financially independent and courageous in making decisions to divorce if they feel unhappy. Social norms are becoming more open to divorce at an older age.
2. Long-Standing Marital Problems
After children grow up, couples may realize they have lost emotional intimacy. Conflicts that were previously suppressed may emerge when there is no longer a reason to stay together.
3. Economic and Health Factors
Financial problems during retirement can trigger conflicts. Chronic illness or dependence on a partner can become a heavy burden.
4. The Influence of Technology and Social Media
Connecting with others through social media can open up possibilities for new relationships outside of marriage.
2. The Phenomenon of Empty Nest
Definition and Impact in Indonesia
The empty nest phenomenon occurs when children have left home to work, get married, or pursue education, leaving parents, especially mothers, feeling empty and without purpose. The main impacts of empty nest include:
1. Psychological Impact
Feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and even depression, especially for parents who are emotionally dependent on their children. Difficulty adjusting to life without children at home.
2. Social Impact
Parents without extensive social connections or activities may feel isolated. In some cases, parents may start to over-control the lives of their independent children.
3. Impact on Marriage
Empty nest can strengthen the relationship between spouses who are harmonious because they have more time together. Conversely, for couples with strained relationships, this condition can accelerate divorce (gray divorce).
3. Responses and Solutions
To address the phenomena of gray divorce and empty nest, several steps can be taken:
1. Preparing for Life in Old Age
Planning finances well to avoid dependence on a partner. Developing hobbies or social activities that can bring happiness in old age.
2. Strengthening Relationships with Partners
Engaging in more open communication and rebuilding emotional intimacy. Finding activities to do together, such as traveling or joining a community.
3. Building Wider Social Connections
Being active in social communities, religious activities, or senior organizations. Developing new skills that can give meaning to life.
4. Family and Community Support
Children can maintain good communication with parents so they do not feel abandoned. The government and community can provide programs that support the welfare of the elderly, such as social activities and psychological services.
C. Conclusion
The phenomena of gray divorce and empty nest are becoming more real in Indonesia, especially with changes in lifestyle and community mindset. Although challenging, these two phenomena can be overcome with good preparation, social support, and a positive mindset towards life in old age.
Indramayu,March 19,2025
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